Me and Andy hit it straight off the word go, we had a trust and a bond that no one else could relate too. We saw more of each other than our wives did.

We had a gentleman’s agreement about the yard and what our plans were to make a success of the once drowning business, we had trust and with that you can succeed in anything I learnt but only with Andy at my side, he ran the yard and the machine and I would take care of admin in the office. we worked hard gaining back the customer base and like he promised he brought his lorry, new transit tipper, some funds in the bank for trading and most of all a used machine which he carefully chose with me and his triplets after a pub visit one sat afternoon (he loaded some bins for me with his lorry and grab and he said fancy a pint to which I jumped at the chance) . an old CAT demolition machine who the triplets named daisy. We had a great year, and I remember him saying ” Jimmy boy in about 2 years from now you’ll be deciding what Rolex watch you want to buy ” music to my ears i thought! a man with a plan who had drive and passion for success and the spoils that come with all the hard work.  It’s true what they say, what you put in you’ll get back.

Home life was steady and straight but I couldn’t shift the tinder incident out of my head .. I was on the ball when it came to watching her from a distance. I still had no explanation when I confronted Her that day.

For some reason I turned into a sort of part time investigator , I would check the tablet for her email logins , listen to her on the phone with conversations eavesdropping  , as she was working from home a day a week from her  admin job in Swansea university medical centre I would pop in to see her and grab my forgotten sandwiches or another excuse I would call her about then go home .. to check up mainly. Something never sat with me about a lack of even an ounce of explanation.  And this constantly dug at me and would niggle me over and over like a nail being driven into my brain ! 

With the bond sealed with me and Andy .  Why was my bond at home breaking down slowly .. we got on but it seemed like a massive black cloud had come between us and we became cohabiting friends with 2 beautiful boys , not the loving couple we once were. It hit me hard and the thought of losing my family hurt me deeply. I really don’t have a support structure around me in a family sense, this was my family and it’s all I ever wanted .. and it was slipping away piece by piece or should I say email by email !

I had no idea how to deal with this so I started spending more and more time at  work just down the road  .. I saw less of them all at home than I did working away a year before .

I used to stay on in the yard after we closed mostly having a drink with Andy and once he would go home I would stay a little longer on my own drinking and with my usual bump of cocaine ( at this point I would always have some around as the local dealers would give me plenty as a ” tester ” .. but at this point it wouldn’t be a day sniff when I work as we were to busy and didn’t need it to focus as the customers kept me on my toes as it was )

I had no feeling that she was meeting anyone as in the day she would be at work and then picking the boys up from her parents or the creche .. So what was going on?  Not even an acknowledgement I thought I deserved .. 

Then it hit me ” what she was on other dating sites !!!!

Fuck columbo was off .. I was going to look into this full speed like I did that day flying home to the laptop to open the tinder email . but now I had cocaine to focus me on the then target goal in my head …

I was hoping that I would get something off her .. and if she was on other dating sites I would force her hand to reveal what I thought was the worst .  The breakdown of our relationship and the daunting task of a separation.

Didn’t take long and I found 2  match.com accounts using her usual email she used .. found her on 2 Facebook accounts knowing full well she hates Facebook and everything it stood for ..

I would get the laptop out while home when she was in bed watching TV , with my cans at my side .. pinging lost passwords login and I would hear her iPhone ping over and over echoing down the house through the hallways to the dining room . 

I couldn’t face asking her so why did I bother looking into it , I never knew at the time but I do know now while writing this . 

I’d be fuming wondering why her email was pinging for a password recovery on other dating sites if she was not on them at all ..   I thought and presumed the battle was lost and she would give in and tell me what the hell is going on ..

Again I questioned the other dating sites.

Got nothing at all from her !! Swear i  just asked her if she has been in a space shuttle .  Just said ” not mine, not me  , don’t know what you’re talking about.

I had nowhere to go if I wanted to leave apart from the yard .. and I slept there once after my brother’s passing .. which I remember was so cold with me muttering and moaning how cold it was to the yard cats .. copper and brass .. so I thought fuck that for a game of laughs .. I would stay put in the 4″ fire engine bed and my eldest son would be in with his mum.

So our relationship turned colder .. we were like passing ships in the night staying away from each other and getting on for the boys when we needed to.

As I could see no evidence or any admission from her ..as she was in denial I thought about  all those dating sites I had convinced myself , to save what I had left as a family , I decided to try .  And I did try to let it go .. 

It bugged the hell out of me .  The questions I wanted to ask but scared of the answers .. if I ever got one that was.

So I cracked on with the yard but with ears alert.. like a police sniffer dog …

Bank holiday was coming up in a few weeks and I had bought us as a family a bailey tourer caravan with a fixed bed .. all with Andy’s help of course .. putting his feelers out when I said I’d like one to buy to try and salvage my family with a weekend break get away holiday.. This seemed not only a great investment but something I could make amazing memories for the boys .

I picked up the tourer and took it home and parked it outside the house on my transit van towage . My eldest ran around the caravan in total joy while she held my youngest in her arms while I proudly showed off the spaceful area.

We had planned to go down west Wales in the caravan so prepared a list of what to take and what we would do down there ..  The week came with the bank holiday just days away .  We had a massive argument.. so in the morning that I had planned to leave with all bags packed .. I told her she wasn’t coming as I was arguing with her in Swansea and couldn’t be bothered arguing with her in a confined space down Tenby way .. it just wasn’t an option for me to ruin a good memory in the new caravan I bought for that exact reason .

So my eldest and my eldest set off for a weekend of fun in our new tourer with him strapped in on his booster seat next to me all excited as it was just him and his daddy  .. and I planned it to be fun to make it a real positive memory for Us both ..

Andy laughed at me as I ordered wing mirror extensions to see behind the caravan on the towage , but as he stated the van is wide enough to see with the caravan and the road. Nonetheless I wanted to look the part and also have it for safety as my eldest was with me .. although he was looking in disgust with a cheeky grin I thought it couldn’t do any harm .  ( Later on they got ripped off by trees when I followed my sat Nav down a narrow lane by mistake – Andy’s laughing flew straight in my mind )

We settled in at a campsite , unhitched the caravan , unpacked our things and headed for the local beach and we had plenty of fun with a metal detector I got for us although it was way too big to fit his arm  to his frustration so his job was the spade in case we found anything in the sand .  I would send plenty of pictures to his mum showing how the weekend was going so far  and she would always reply with updates on my youngest at home with her ..

On Saturday night my boy was all washed and fed and in bed in the pitched caravan .. my thoughts fled back to what she was doing at home .. Then something popped into my head. A crazy idea .. columbo was off  !!!

One of the boys called Derek who would later come apparent in my story mentioned something about a swingers site in work  .. I thought no way she can’t be on it .. not my Kate.. 

So I opened up the web browser on the tablet I took with me from home .. stopped for what seemed an eternity looked at my boy and thought na it’ll be fine I wouldn’t find her there  . No way !!!

Unphased, I went for it …

Opened the login page like I had done over the number of times on the dating sites ..

Used her common email and thought about the password .. I thought hard .. this wasn’t an email I could use and do a recovery on .. it would be the ultimate betrayal being in there.   !!

It popped in my mind. .  her DOB .. naaa can’t be .. that would be too easy .. too obvious as I had so many failed attempts with that as a password ..

Wouldn’t do no harm to try as the email wouldn’t be notified if it was wrong …

Holy fuck .  I was in .. I froze .. fuck fuck fuck ..  I nearly had a heart attack !!! I didn’t know what to do .. I was shaking like an old roof in a storm .. fuck fuck fuck I said repeated over and over .. I started sweating profusely like I had been running . 

Her profile was staring me in the face.. I froze.   I don’t know what to do .. I felt paralysed .. my world had stopped while I stared at a profile with no photo .. it said Ames999 .. I noticed the screen reload, maybe something I had done on the touch screen while in a panic .. things were disappearing.. I panicked and grabbed my phone .. entered my screen pattern wrong God knows how many times and finally unlocked my phone .. took photo after photo ..  then then looked at my son sleeping and thought the can of worms is now open . . Could we ever ever come back from this .. how on earth could she Deny this .. my head spun and spun .. anger , betrayal and rage filled my body .. my head felt like smashing up anything I could get my hands on  .. I started crying in rage with my heart sunk .. I fled out the caravan door to be sick .. I was leaving against my van being sick over the driver’s door holding tight onto the wing mirror.. my eyes bloodshot , my stomach aching And my throat burning due to the bile coming up from my stomach..

My world right then fell apart on that cold dark night with my caravan porch light showing my broken shadow against my white van.

I sent her the pictures I’d taken of her profile to her whatsapp just after 2300 hrs and I demanded an explanation. This time there would be no me asking nicely, being scared of the answer .  I wanted the truth .. and nothing or no one was getting in my way of finding it out .. she got back to me after midnight although the ticks went blue seconds after i sent them  once again said Craig that’s not my account .what are you doing do you know how creepy you are being and I was blocked for the night on all formats  .. I knew and she knew that this wasn’t going away .. all was lost in my mind ..  Whatever The outcome was I didn’t care .. I was bouncing with rage .. being as quiet as I can while my son slept in the big bed alone…

I changed the password quick on the account I had open but noticed the inbox filling up with random men saying ” hi babe .. long time no speak etc “

I confirmed the password was changed to be sure .. and I slammed down the tablet with rage .  Decided I couldn’t have that on my shoulders all weekend and cut the weekend away short .. I started packing up things , trying to relax .. I didn’t sleep all night .. I just sat on the end of the bed with my back against the wall while looking at my son with tears in my eyes . Thinking about him and his young brother!  most of all knowing they would be brought up in a broken home .. The one thing I promised myself I’d try to save over the last few months was now dead in the water.