Life slowly moved on, how i don’t know exactly but it did .. I stayed in the fire engine bed and the kids stayed in the big bed with their mother.
The grey cloud hanging above my head turned even more black every day and due to being totally exhausted by the thought of even questioning her about what was for tea and how are the boys doing in school as I wouldn’t get a straight answer I could believe , I gave up and told her that the house was to be sold .
I would try and get something in between and let her and the boys stay in middle road  until the other house in town we owned became free .
We co-existed and we had nights that we were fine , chatting and watching TV together like we used to , there were more nights that we didn’t .
One week we were getting on fine which was unusual as she was different, but I couldn’t put my finger on why.
She said to me mid-week was it ok if she went out the week after with her friends! My reply was of course no problem ,  it was nice to be asked so I thought we could salvage anything we once had .
On that Friday I remember speaking to her throughout the day as she was in town shopping for clothes and shoes for our sons , she had chosen 2 pairs of new shoes for the boys each and sent me pictures and I loved them so much I sent all of the money over to pay for them all , although she has initially said we would go Halves so I paid the full amount and said I’d see her later , her reply was I’ll look forward to it .
Now this again freaked me out and I thought maybe me pushing for the sale of the house had made her realise that I didn’t give up finding out what had happened on the so called chat sites and so I would go through with the sale regardless.
I headed home early that Friday walked in to dining room and saw the boys new shoes out of the boxes and spread across the sofa in a row , and they looked so nice seeing how small they were , my heart sank as I realised maybe this wasn’t the right thing to do as I wouldn’t see this sort of thing again .

No one was home so I got my power tools out of the shed and my fixings box and started to fix basketball hoops and various other things for the boys to hit and play with on the long wooden fence and I heard the dining room door slam .. nice one I thought that’s the front door being opened and my little handsome boys and they were home, I turned my wireless music speaker down and ran towards the side door to go into the house .. there was no one there, I couldn’t hear them.  .. so I shouted up and down the house ” boys where are you?? Are hiding from daddy ” nothing back mmm that’s strange… I shouted Kate is that you .. initially nothing then after the 3rd shout up she replied yes it’s me I’m just getting changed .. I asked where the boys were .. she shouted down they are with my parents all weekend .. I was like what?? Elis is supposed to be coming with me down the scrap yard to work tomorrow, it’s Saturday.  He normally comes in with me on my Saturday shift and goes out on recovery in the afternoon if there are any scrap cars to pick up ..her reply was he’s not going now . Very blunt response although we had been getting on ok that week .. so fuck it I thought .. we’ve just gone back 6 steps .. so I went out the back and carried on drilling the toys to the fence and put my music back on and opened a can of cider.
I heard the front door slam and hard as I heard it over my wireless music speaker, the music track skipped and I heard the front gate go … I bolted to the side entrance…  I saw Kate getting in the back of a taxi so I pulled my phone out of my work trousers and dialled her mobile as quickly as I could .. I held the phone with anticipation by my ear as I felt, I knew something was going on .. I saw her look at the phone and with a quick swipe cut me off while looking straight forward, I could even see this plain as day as the car was only about 5m away.
I tried and tried to call again .. the network saying ‘ your call cannot be connected as this time, please try again later ‘
She blocked me!!! Right then .. I WhatsApp her asking a trivial question (have you gone to the shop) but it was only 1 tick, I emailed and messaged .. nothing back. Nothing.!!
I was instantly filled with worry and dread… I had caught her sneaking off to meet her fancy man. That’s why she  was nice to me all week with all the troubles surrounding us .
Just to prove my point in my head I raced in grabbed the laptop powered it up as quickly as possible which again felt like forever while she was speeding to somewhere in that white taxi  and with the help of an app I bought for £6 a month can tell you if the phone is on , what is working on that phone like email , internet and even WhatsApp.
Ping ping ping , it all came back as working .
So again I tried to call, text message, email WhatsApp .
All my efforts came back with a big fat zero in respect to contacting her .. but her phone was working ok on the network etc ..
I had been blocked .. not just calls .. everything possible for me to get in touch with her .. that was about 1715.
The unknown of that early evening killed me like no other time before, I was constantly looking at the WhatsApp to see if the 2 ticks appeared or they even went blue, my work out the back had stopped dead .. like what my head and heart felt .. DEAD!!
I was in a spin .. anger, frustration and indeed betrayal filled my body uncontrollably.
I was saying to myself how could she, HOW COULD SHE RUB IT IN MY FACE!!
It was a right fuck you feeling, I’ll do what I want even if we are living under the same roof with our 2 oblivious handsome sons.
After so many attempts to contact her to put my mind at rest .. absolutely nothing although her phone was pinging and it was live, one of the boys lee who was passing and thought he’d pop in to see if I was alright as he was really concerned as he knew me from old and couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t myself for a long time, if only he knew !!
I was sick out the back once again when he came around the side of the house as there was no answer at the front door .
I told him what happened and he was in shock , he couldn’t believe it or  understand what and how it had spiralled into this and how far it has gone with me still trying to salvage something or anything to save my family , his arm stretching out to hug me , a hug a needed right then at the moment seemed so vague but warming while he said mate I really hope you’re going to be ok , it’s tragic so bad and nothing makes sense , he said ” I wish I could give you some answers to the questions you’ve asked her , but in all honesty I don’t think she will ever tell you the truth ..it doesn’t add up , it’s really fucking odd mate
He stayed for an hour with me still frantically trying to reach her to kill whatever thoughts were in my mind .
With my stomach hurting and throat hurting from the bile and the constant crying and heaving .. I pinged her phone on my laptop to prove not only to myself but an outsider to show I wasn’t crazy .. someone unbiased so to speak.
I gave up and smashed a line of cocaine, necked a can of dark fruits and planned what would be said when she eventually picked up. although I was fuming I thought how could anyone treat another human being like this .. I couldn’t and still can’t get my head around it to this day while writing this ..

I thought fuck it .. if I do something drastic she will have to listen and at least acknowledge me . So I raced down to Screwfix, grabbed two sets of over the counter door locks and changed them while videoing it and sent it to her on WhatsApp. .my thing was that every time she had ever gone out .. and I mean always!! She always came to me or called saying she was going out and might be home late and don’t double lock the door or leave it locked with my key in the back stopping her unlocking the door with her house key .. so why was this time different. I would find out!!
I stared at the WhatsApp messenger to see if the double ticks went through. they had .. so she had received them .. again I called from WhatsApp and phone call .. dead!!
In my head she was indeed blocking me, blocking me was the only explanation. it was near 9pm .. I was heartbroken to say the least, I even filmed myself packing all her clothes frantically into 3 different suitcases and again sending them to her on WhatsApp.
I thought Jesus Christ she had seen me change the locks, pack all her clothes into cases and put them by the front door and lock it with the set of shiny X three new door keys.. why on earth wasn’t she calling and going crazy .. saying ” you’ve done what?? Changed the locks, threw my clothes out?? What about our sons .. Craig that is a family home you can’t do that you’re crazy .. I had zero response!!!
Ping !! My phone had a WhatsApp message about 2200hrs .. it was her.! !!
It said ” I’m up my friends “
And that was it .. nothing else .. after what I had done .. I sent loads of voice messages back saying ” Kate after all that .. that’s your response, no regards about me or our sons. ” nothing back .. blocked again on all formats.
I had another message to my phone which was considerably losing battery and was on charge next to my laptop pinging her phone .. I was distraught with hurt, my head spinning with pain thinking who she was with and what they were doing .. After everything that had gone on between us this was a right kick in the teeth. How could she deny me an explanation to why she went out and blocked me and was there any more room for hurt in our lives, it was past 2300 and it said come up if you want .. I thought come up .. the cheek .. fucking come up .. now from 1700 until 2300 that is enough time to get a cover story straight and get to her so called mates, who is and is known as a car crash and whom she says this to her face which I always think was odd to call your so called best mate.

So she was locked out and it didn’t really bother her at all .. the reaction again was all wrong from a normal person’s perspective. I not only thought about it but knew 100%.
I had an email after 0100 hrs saying that she was coming home and she wasn’t climbing through a window as Sasha was too fat .. too fat .. I laughed while in bed trying to relax but fuming as I had work in the morning ..
In my head I thought lover boy would drop her off and help her get in as I said I was going to sleep and to basically piss off, she made her bed with no concerns of me and the boys so fuck her !! Was the front of my splitting headache.
Plus be a right prick even more while I had the power tools out I orchestrated an obscene obstacle course that a paratrooper would struggle with .. I put 6″ heavy duty nails through both gates so they were shut, really shut.
I put all the Wheelie bins up the path and climbed in and drilled them into the concrete so you had to climb over them  as you couldn’t get around them .. the windows were all locked. It was my sort of revenge for all the pain I was in .. childish I know .. but it needed something like that to try and get something as my head was split in half.
I had a message by email off her at 1330 saying Sasha was too drunk and she wasn’t leaving her in Sasha’s own house and was bringing her back to our home to sleep on the sofa .. to me this was a good and great forward thinking to sort of prove she was with her all night right?
That’s what I would have done… but also if it was me and there was nothing going on at all .. I would have phoned just to say ” look we are both hurting I’ll be home now .. there’s no need to throw clothes out and change the locks etc ” I knew she had received my messages as she emailed saying she was getting in whatever she had to do even climbing through a window with her fat mate .. she basically acknowledged my messages but not in a normal human fashion as I said earlier to warrant me a call.
I had 1 more email off her and it said I’m coming to my family home with my friend .. open the door ..
I ignored it and heard them all coked up pissed trying to get through my obstacle course, I logged on to the house CCTV and could see two pissed women climbing over my military assault course .. saying to each other ‘ fuck we can’t get in that way, let’s try climbing through the neighbours garden etc, then saying .. fuck he’s blocked it off, as I had CCTV on every corner I watched them in bed fail and shout ” fuck my hand, or fuck he’s a prick I’ve ripped my jeans on the fence he left screws hanging out .. he’s a right prick .. there’s no need I heard. On purpose I left the back kitchen window open, but it only goes open about 8 inches as the lock on the inside prevents it. I watched them get to the back window, how I do not know but they done it (I was pretending to blow a whistle as I watched them get past the various stages like the referee on gladiators the TV series .. giggling to myself over and over.
They couldn’t get it and it frustrated them so much that I had a email off the car crash and it was quite lengthy and not one spelling mistake, I seen her on the wall outside after they got back through the course of jeans and tops   ripping Batton and decking boards with nails and screws hanging out .. what did she expect and after all she hadn’t mentioned our sons not even once.
But for someone who was so drunk to be left at home as she was to drunk .. fuck she did well to beat 1 parachute reg obstacle course and get back through to write a lengthy and complicated email, but with not a speaking mistake ..
They went off to find a taxi and I went to sleep smiling but fuming at the cheek of giving me abuse when all I did was care about her and the future of our boys!!! Lying awake checking my phone to see if there was anything, anything from her at all. The last email was abuse from her mate by email .. perfectly spelled, although she was too drunk to be left alone as it was unsafe.
I thought to myself why hasn’t she called at all ‘ I bet she went back to his fucking house ‘ fuck it .. it’s all done, I cannot and won’t do this anymore.
I got up and went to work checking all the windows and doors were locked and all shiny new sets of keys safely away in my work jacket, I left a note on the front door saying ” CALL ME , NEW KEYS NEEEDED TO ACCESS PROPERTY, cg x “
And off I went to work ..  the thoughts that had taken over my mind were deadly and dark … I couldn’t eat or breathe properly, in honestly I felt suicidal, a bold thing to say but it’s the truth .
I opened up the yard, checked the recovery jobs for the scrap cars that were booked in and called to pay them in advance so I didn’t have to deal with it .
Rob our driver came in about 0900 and I planned the morning together, but I called and called Katie and still nothing , I thought right I’ll call her mother  but that was waste of time as I was blocked , I withheld my number to her and her mother and still nothing .

Rob offered a burger van at 1000 but I couldn’t face it.  My coping mechanism that morning was chain smoking Mayfair sky blues .. I was so confused and like a lost puppy in my demeanour…
I had a thought, well more than a thought, a feeling .. I shouted to rob hold the fort I’m nipping out ..
I sped home , pulled up at the house and saw the suitcases were gone from the front door. My feeling was right, she had been home, I went up to the front door, it was locked , I hesitated thinking had I done the right thing ???
I went through the house shouting her name .. no answer upstairs although my voice echoed right through the house. I went into the kitchen and could hear something out the back .. IT WAS HER!!! So, I said what are you doing? Why are you here? You don’t live here anymore. So I said to her where have you been Kate? Where have you been? She just looked at me then looked straight down, almost you can say in embarrassment or shame I said to her I repeated, please please tell me who he is … where have you been ??? Why have you got it in my face?
That’s all she said I mean all she said was up my friends I thought you’d be ok to go out with friends…. I repeat it you have not asked once about your mother you’ve not asked once about the key he did not ask once about getting in so what makes this right in you saying I’ve been up my Mate’s… I just kept asking and asking who is he Kate who is this person who’s worth throwing our family away for?? And why have you got grab marks on your arms, small bruises that appeared from nowhere??
She looked at me caught my eye completely said I’ve just been up my mates I thought I’d be ok but obviously it’s not I’m sorry….I  Repeated…   please please just tell me who this person is because you are driving me fucking mad!!!  why would you, why on earth would you ever put a human being through this…
I flipped and smacked her across the head with the palm of my hand. Now this is something I have never done to a woman but I was hurt and emotionally drawn out .
She screamed ” you just hit me ” I yelled yeah !!! Where have you been Katie? Her eyes filled with tears shouting please please I’ve been up my mate we are split up .. I’m was fuming, fucking fuming .. I grabbed her suitcase but running through my mind was where the hell is her overnight bag I saw her leave with ..just one suitcase was there sitting by her side as if she was in a departure lounge waiting for a flight with a hand in the raised handle .
NOT ONE FUCKING MENTION OF THE BOYS .. I yelled!!! 
At this point the neighbour’s heard everything !!
I yelled fucking bitch I’m heartbroken here and you can see it .. your eyes are all welled up because you know you’re hurting me and you can’t explain where you have been.
I dragged the case and her towards the heavenly bolted shut side gate from the obstacle course from the night before and threw her case and then her over too.
I jumped in my van and followed her down the road shouting at her I hope he was worth it !!!! You’ve ripped our family apart for a shag!!!
I fucked off back to work tamping wondering if she would be there after work ..
Back in work I just couldn’t wait to shut the scrap yard gates I really couldn’t!!

I told Rob what had happened and he was just as shocked as me ..
I dragged along my nice demeanour  on the weighbridge and made sure all customers were paid .. sorted robs wages out and headed home to make right with Kate from the argument which was heated although from my end .. like Sean Edwards Wales coach changing room screaming the riot act in a losing Wales game.
At home I bolted down the hatches, bought 20 cans of dark fruits and a gram of Charlie and waited for her family to turn up to read me the riot act .. Saturday turned to Sunday and although I was ringing and ringing again with no response, absolutely nothing at all .It was a bank holiday, and the boys were due in school on Tuesday.
I thought she’s down her mother’s with our sons but her mother blocked me too which I thought was strange as they would have been in touch wondering what the hell had happened. I would have if it was my daughter I would have been straight up the house getting to the bottom of why their daughter had been kicked out with a suitcase?
On the Sunday I had a call from her mate Sasha saying how terrible I had treated the mother of my kids and I should be ashamed that she’s in the house living in fear. I sat with my mate Jussy in shock .. Sasha said she spoke to her mum and she wasn’t there and was home on middle road, but the kids were with mum until Monday !
So, she wasn’t in our home and wasn’t in her mum’s … Where was she??
My thoughts instantly shot to her and a fancy man she met that Friday night, the only conclusion I could come to was that .. my heart couldn’t take it anymore!!! I was at that moment  the lowest I thought in my heart break .
I called the police late Sunday evening to admit the smack on the head I gave her and burned off CCTV to give to the police as the camera could see and hear everything that went on behind the side gate .
They were serious enough to tell me that I would be charged with assault to which I replied that’s fine , I gave the police her mum’s address and Katies phone number .. for the rest of the bank holiday I heard nothing .. again absolutely zilch…
I thought her brother would be up along with her dad and rugby playing brother in law .. but there was not a thing .. I was window watching, blind twitching like an old gossip looking for some juicy gossip .. every time a car came at the house I would be out that front door waiting to give my side of the story to her family or whoever turned up including the South Wales police.
Tuesday morning came and I still had nothing from the police either, which I was totally shocked about , and to this day I never heard anything back from my confession to the South Wales police force.
I only heard something from her on late Tuesday.. and the message read ” what is wrong with you you’ve locked us all our of the family home, I want you out of the house as what you have done to us all including your son’s is so unreasonable and unbelievable, I never thought you would turn into this person I don’t recognise “
I responded with ” only now you’ve mentioned you being kicked out.  ” No response and blocked until Thursday night…
We had agreed by WhatsApp message that we should meet in the boating lake next to Swansea university and our sons would be there to so I could see them ( one thing she always said right through the jet fuelled turbulence that had happened was she would never ever ever ever stop me seeing my son’s as she knew how much they meant to me )
I was so excited about meeting her and the boys  after work that Friday I had trouble sleeping all week …
Friday came and although we were messaging each other in a polite manner, I would say how had it come to this and she would say something like it’s the saddest thing she had ever had to do splitting up with me as if she couldn’t have me she wouldn’t have any one and that was the true reality from her side ..
So why all the bullshit I’m between I thought?
I got there early and waited in the boating lake park. It was a lovely day , then I heard my boys running shouting ” my daddy ” Elis and miles were over the moon , Katie just looked so abandoned and white , a little lost .
I walked straight up to her and gave her a hug and she hugged me so tightly while I watched the boys over her shoulder playing unaware of what had been going on .. I quite envied them and they’re unaware of the situation… a child’s innocence that until now they were oblivious to it all.
We both played with the kids, helping miles onto the baby swings and helping Elis climb the ladder to the massive slide.
Kate suggested a nice cold cider and a wine and we could sit down and talk like adults ..
And off she went while looking after the boys playing in the park. She was gone a whole hour just to get drinks, again I was calling and calling I couldn’t get through … Not this again I thought she’s only gone to get bloody drinks, part of me thought she was just having a composure moment … I watched the boys thinking and feeling something was wrong.
I could see people going to the bar for their tables and back within minutes so why was she taking so long? I knew she had to scan her phone due covid but there was a hatch serving people quickly but I couldn’t see her at the hatch .. she was gone for a whole hour .. my head was gone .. the UN crisis talks were going to break down fast at this speed.
She came back all red faced and flustered like she had just been with someone she hadn’t seen in a while and went through the usual greetings like ” how are you, how’s the family etc ” you know the kind of person you don’t want to see when In crisis talks after being locked out .. that’s the look on her face coming towards with her long indie Fred Perry dark green long green knee length jacket on .. she said sorry about a dozen times .. in my head I was thinking she’s just been around the corner with ” HIM ” chatting about our meeting of getting her back in the house.
We chit chatted, I was so happy to see the boys and her to be honest… I asked her about where she was sleeping and she said her mother’s bed .. I said to her your mother’s bed there’s no room .. right you’re coming home all of you and we agreed right then that she would come the day after on Saturday… I didn’t dare bring anything up about the missing night as I just wanted my boys home for as long as I could, it was the only solution I had at that time .. get my family together again and try and be normal and explain to her that anything like this never happens again! Just said that with a look in my eyes and a slight nod with raised eyebrow.

I couldn’t sleep that night and was off the next day at the scrap yard .. I cleaned the house top to bottom, changed all the bed sheets as I was so excited.
They came home Saturday tea time and I was over the moon to see them all, I nodded at Katie and said you’ve been down your mum’s but your home now all of you !!
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said thank you godbear you stubborn fool … I looked at the boys and ignored her, it was just a relief to have my son’s back in the kitchen and the garden. After I bathed them I told them a story before bed .. Elis always loved my made up stories about a dragon called Morrissey, a massive huge dragon that would fly around Swansea helping abandoned dumper trucks and motorbikes .. I would make it up as I went along, mentioning Morrissey flying over his Nana and bampas , his auntie Saras house .. oh he loved it and I loved telling the stories to him .. my youngest miles was simple, a bottle of milk and a cuddle with me stroking his head .. out like a light.
Me and Katie got on I suppose .. the house was going through my cousin lee’s wife’s Sarah’s estate agents and we just got on .. the following wed I had I message of her saying was it ok to go out Friday morning for a brunch but she swore she would be back by 1500 but it was with the same so called friends she went missing it  .. I messaged back ” do what you want!!!! ” 3 days the peace lasted “she replied to my message on Thursday and said that it had been changed to Friday night but she wouldn’t be long and we could have a drink together on that Friday night and try and make up .. I flipped .. ” I kicked you out last week and your fucking asking me to go out again, the times kept changing for her so called meet up with her friends .. Friday morning, then 1300 then 1700… I smelt a rat .. her mate is in a car crash … So once again I told her to do what you want. Obviously you’ve got no respect for me. You’ve been back in this house for days and now suddenly you want to go back out with your so-called mate … I couldn’t believe it. I simply couldn’t get it round my head. She went missing all night. She went missing for an hour down the boot in there and then within days she was planning on another night out .. felt like a kick in the teeth unfuckable evil…. In her mind she thought she was just asking a simple question but to me it was like Mount Everest falling on once again. In the end she didn’t go and stayed at home with me but was very very shady on the phone!! We had a drink that Friday night. It was strange because when I got home from work, she’d already got me some cocaine and was already on it … I went to the bathroom about 21:00 and I could hear out the back talking to somebody very quietly she was saying I can’t I can’t no it’s not that simple I could hear all this from the bathroom window…  it done my head in she was speaking to this fancy man all the time every time I left the room… Investigator was off again… Now I have amazing memories, small things get me and I get them… I asked her who’s on the phone when I came back downstairs to reply was just mates, I was listening to a WhatsApp voice message… I said to her clearly, I could hear a man’s voice that was not your friend Sasha. do me a favour and stop of rubbing it in my fucking face…
I then ordered myself a bed and made the back room my bedroom the sort of a man cave and then weeks and weeks flew by, and we tried to carry on as normal… well normalise!!
But due to the fact that within 2-weeks she chose her friends over our small family baffled me and today still does… What on earth and who was controlling her? her mates or the new Man.