The phone rang in the afternoon and it was Chris my driver ..
He explained he had a problem about the drive ahead to southern Spain and
told me he was skint and to go he needed £200 up front as he was to get his
stuff at home in order so he can leave the UK knowing that all his money
problems were ok , no problems mate I said calmly send me your bank details
and I’ll send it over , we’ll call it an advance .. he thanked me so much over and
over like I just bought him a new house or something extravagant saying how it
would change his life and there was good people on earth etc etc
I didn’t know what the fuck he was on about so wired the money and
continued to plan my escape from Swansea probation under the radar and
with a goal to at least get to Spain ..
He called me that night and said thank you for the advance. He managed to get
enough ketamine for the trip .. I’m like ahhhh fuck .. seriously !! a had hired a
ket head to co-drive me to my retirement in Spain .. only me I thought!!!
The van was loaded so time was pretty much against me and I didn’t have time
to fuck about finding another driver with a clean license and willing to go over
night so fuck it the plan would stay the same and I’d meet him the day after at
his brother’s house , he would drop off dexter woof woof to Kate’s family come
back to me in his car and then we would hit the high road to Portsmouth for
the ferry to Santander in northern Spain.
Me and Dexter stayed our last night together in a plush country manor just off
the M4 motorway in the hills of Bridgend , we had a great long walk and I
decided that a kebab was for tea , I always got him just a portion of meat or
chicken in a takeaway tub for himself, to which he loved but only as a treat .
Dexter woke me up about 0300hrs to go to the toilet and typical Craig fashion
as there was no one on night duty at the hotel we got locked out for a good
half hour as the door had a standard Yale latch and I didn’t keep the latch up
and locked ! Sneaking around the plush country manor hotel looking for
Windows to climb in, found one and I had to pull a kebab filled fatty (but
handsome) beagle through it too .. we both slept really well and had a sleep in
and missed Breakfast.
Somehow I remember the energy on Dexter wasn’t the same ,he looked at me
the same but I sensed his anxiety my best mate was subdued, like he knew and
understood I was going and the plan to sedate him and hide him under the
transit seat to get my best mate to Spain with me was a on the moment
thought of desperation and a foolish idea .I pulled up at Chris house after a
detour to Gregg’s and we both sat by the sea to have our sausages and bacon
sandwiches one last time Wales together just one man with his beloved dog.
Pudding , rainbow and Chris took Dexter from Porthcawl to Swansea and game
them clear instructions on where to take him and collect my Skoda outside
Matthews house on Townhill to put it in storage until I wanted to sell it when I
needed extra cash boost for my refit in Spain on my property
Chris lived with his brother pudding and they’re mate called rainbow.. frankum
turned up to say goodbye etc .. I had 30k in cash on me from the caravan sale
off Ashley and they were all adamant that I should leave it with them to look
after… I didn’t trust the other boys as I didn’t really know them and met them
maybe twice .. but frankum I trusted as we knew each other for years.. they
were all doing ketamine in the kitchen and I had a line of my cocaine to join in
and be social… they’re heads were fried off the ket but driver Chris seemed ok
and was up for the adventure ahead .. they were telling me on how to invest
my money on HP cars and Re rent them out, buy this and rent it for that much
and this much and so on .. all pipe dreams .. I just wanted to take the 30k cash
and just declare it as I was moving to Spain and hadn’t had time to bank it and
wire it to my Spanish account that was already set up in Velez Rubio.
I buckled due to the scare stories of having it confiscated at customs… so I took
10k out of the bag and put it in my laptop bag and left 20k with frankum who I
knew I could trust or so I thought ? We agreed that they would the put 2k cash
in here and there into his current bank account and wire it to me asap and any
problems on the 1st transaction they would take it straight to Andy Thomas to
make sure it got to me on a business GMS transaction…. leaving them in flights
of fancy about knowing what to do as they have done it before .. all blah blah
blah in my head as I wanted to bounce ..
I showed pudding around my Skoda and explained the key was jammed in the
ignition and how to start it by putting a little 10amp fuse in the right slot of the
fuse box .. as we walked up the ex-ambulance came out with a classic “
Bluetooth connectivity pairing successful ” he looked at me and said how the
fuck did that talk then, the main fuse is pulled out and your holding it .. I said I
told you it’s fucked up this car .. I ripped out all the Bluetooth speakers and
microphones ages ago mate, I ripped them out due to the aux input, tracker
and listening devices on Rx/Tx that I found in my transit custom a couple of
months before while the van was sat on my drive at the riverside caravan
park.. the ones I found on my transit custom had cut trim off cables on the
floor of the passenger foot well and a schematic drawing left on the floor by
some sloppy OPS guy.
He now believed me about the surveillance on me and said leave the fuse out
and I’ll move the car over Frankums business lockup in the week.
So with that sorted I opened a can of Strongbow darks fruits and lit a cig .. here
we go I said to Chris .. I jumped in the passenger seat of the transit Luton with
everything I owned in my life in the back ..
I waited for Chris to say goodbye to his brother pudding and his friends
rainbow and frankum ..
I finished off a can and grabbed another and sat there with a smile that I was
on route to my dream of living in spain .. Chris came running out with a small
rucksack enough to fit 1 set of clothes in and he proceeded to jump in the
passenger seat where I was .. a little mistake as I thought he was nervous…
No it wasn’t a mistake .. he said I’m really sorry but I’m so high on ket from the
massive line he just had off the musketeers of ketamine he could hardly speak
.. I thought I’ve paid him an advance and he hasn’t sat on the driver seat yet
and he was my co driver .. this is going to be a bag of laughs .. we then
swapped seats and he said oh by the way I haven’t slept for 2 nights I’ve been
flying .. ah fucking great I couldn’t have picked a worse driver .. more so
frankum couldn’t have recommended a worse driver .. Frankums voice popped
in my head ” Chris is sound he’s done loads of driving for me . He’s done long
hauls to Paris and Scotland” yeah like fuck i thought he can’t get out of South
Wales at the moment ..
We set off and Chris was flying his tits off .. I had a funny feeling that this
journey wasn’t going to be the one I had planned in my head, but neither the
less it would be fun and Chris although on so much ketamine it would at least
be a journey I’d remember!!!
We got on the m4 and headed east .. Chris told me well basically drummed it
into me that this was a mission from god and he was Jesus reincarnated after
Michael Jackson died ..
There was a sticky sign on the dashboard saying ” JCP BODY BUILDERS ” to
which he saw and said see ” Jesus Christ Portsmouth” in his eyes that was a
sign not from the van cab builders of the transit Luton but from God himself!!!
We started chatting away and although most was jibber jabber about saving
the world he was convinced and I mean convinced that we were going to save
the world and peace will follow after our deaths! I’m like after our deaths? .. I
listened intently to him as some things made sense about how the world is bad
and evil .. I questioned myself a few times to see if he spiked my water bottle
with ketamine as he said cocaine was dull, I kept checking it was in my driver
door and I’d make sure the top was screwed on tight and out of his reach .
Then it really got interesting when he asked my full name .. Craig godbear and
added my middle name Karl .. bang he was off wow wow wow slamming the
dashboard with his hand and explained that all his life he had felt different and
was waiting for the mission he always dreamed about but until Michael
Jackson died it never happened… he then and there thought I was GOD
himself!!!
I thought fuck this so I pulled in the services as the radio didn’t work and I
could buy some headphones to listen to my own music. I ran in quick and was
out I’m no time as I saw the prices and thought fuck that £20 for a set of
headphones .. he was sat in the van waiting so he went in to use the toilet
once I got out .. he was gone for over 40 mins , I called and called him
eventually he picks up his mobile .. Chris just said I’m lost mate .. where are
you and where am I .. I thought fuck he’s lost in the services going to the toilet
how the hell will he get back from Spain in the van .. and on his own??? This
was a thought that I had running around my mind .. but hey it wouldn’t be a
boring journey would it? .. eventually he got back to the van although it was
basically only us in that services carpark where the trucks park .. because I had
all my possessions and cash hidden in the van that I was going to declare,
someone always had to be in the cab to make sure that it was safe ..just before
he got back I waved to him over and over while staring at him with my phone
in one hand and his phone in his hand trying doing exactly the same… do you
know what he didn’t know who I was ..he was fucking high as a kite .. then
something clicked and he said is that you Craig ?.. I said yeah .. his reply was
how long have I been missing for?? I said you’re not missing .. he looked
confused and said that without me guiding him with my special powers of
persuasion through my brain waves channelling to him over the distance apart
in those services , He decided that he would walk home if he ever figured out
what was happening to him at those services all the way down the M4
motorway west to home, But I’ll add he was just about to walk onto a busy
motorway home until I called him on the phone. He stated that he is in control
of everything and everyone around him .. bold statement I thought to myself
while looking into his pain stricken empty dark eyes!!!
So I sat him once again in the passenger seat and he started crying saying that
he was a bad man .. I’m like oh fuck I’ve hired someone I have to care for now
too .. at least I had company ..albeit a pain in the arse , and I have to admit
now that it was so random that I wouldn’t have had it any other way .
Frankum face time called on the journey to get an update .. I explained what’s
what and he burst out laughing so I joined him, and we were both in hysterics
with the oblivious Chris next to me racking up a line of ketamine on the vehicle
hand book from the glove compartment. The journey on the way down could
be a book in itself as this man had been hooked on ketamine for a while with
his brother pudding and rainbow , these 3 were complete fun but so dopey
and stupid and the only reason I left money with them was due to frankum
being there and in charge of it , but saying that , that journey was a one off
barrel of laughs, half the time with me in agreement on how the world should
run .. basically, like a mad Max world! a utopian ketamine filled world!
Frankum advised that the ferry that we were on in Portsmouth didn’t have the
need to provide a negative covid test to board .. it was something we discussed
before we left and my mate Andrew Griffiths said his dad flew to Ireland to
work and as long as it’s in the European Union it was ok to travel to Espanola.
The ferry was booked for 2100hrs on the Friday night and it was a Thursday
that we travelled to Portsmouth so we booked a jury’s Inn so we could chill for
the night ,I looked at the ferry itinerary of what to do on the ship for the 1 &
1/2 day journey and plan the journey all through Spain on the long drive to the
south from Santander..
We booked in the hotel and while sitting in the jury’s inn foyer I noticed in the
corner by the vending machines sitting there was my little blonde friend sexy
bum who I’d seen so much over the previous 6 months and I saw 2 men doing
circles around the hotel foyer and in the car park, all busy doing nothing!!!
Well watching me giving them the run around on the way down doing fake
turns etc and they were very interested in my luton parked outside and was to
big for the carpark and had to be moved once I’d checked inn and got my room
key.
We had an hour in our rooms to chill and we headed over to KFC to eat ..
We checked the van was safe after food as I moved it over to the huge B&Q
across the road and went to back to the room, I knocked his door and said
come to Tesco let’s get some booze and bits and bobs for the journey in case
the ferry is too expensive… I noticed in his room although it was a hotel it
seemed empty, my room had suitcases and clothes all hung up but his room
had no toiletries in the bathroom no clothes over the chair etc , I asked him
where is all your clothes his reply was I’ve got spare underwear and that’s all I
need I travel light he said !
Fuck that I said come with me know to Tesco and I’ll kit you out with new
clothes for the journey ! Although he was right off his chunk he was a nice
bloke and a sort of nice soul which I liked, he was just a little lost in life and
stuck in a rut, and people who know me know I like to help the underdog as I
myself have been one !
I kitted him out with underwear, socks , shorts and t-shirts etc so he would at
least be comfortable on the journey, I bought 2 bottles of prosecco for myself
and bought him 4 cans like he wanted .
We both didn’t sleep that night as I was sniffing and on covert counter
surveillance patrol around the van and hotel as I seen the same faces in
Swansea walking the dogs questioning me randomly and I never forget a face
and Chris was happy just chilling listening to his music probably trying on the
new clothes I got him .
I saw the sun rise on that Friday morning sitting outside the hotel all alone like
the movie 28 days , god it was so peaceful !!! wondering what the day would
bring considering Thursday was eventful to say the least on planet earth!
Sitting in the van waiting for Chris I went through all the paperwork for the ferry
and started to browse through the Spanish properties on kyreo which is a
website that has multiple listings from various agents around Spain.
I saw some nice ones I could also afford once I had completed on casa estaban
the one I had in my mind since I had the facetime off Tatiana who was live at
the property weeks before while I was still in Swansea, the agents were called
next house Almeria in Albox southern Spain.
Chris came over while I was on the phone and once again he jumped in the
passenger seat, I looked at him and said nice try big balls .. you’re driving us
around today to go shopping, well window shopping to kill some time until the
ferry check in at 1800hrs later that day ..
He looked at me and his eyes were empty … So vague… So high … like piss
holes in the snow …
Yep you guessed it he was right off it .. we only just had breakfast in the hotel
which killed me as it was £10 each and it was shit, but he seemed fine sitting
having our bacon and eggs … that’s the thing with me getting high I do it in
moderation… not this fucker he was like a bat out of hell???
I raised my voice to him and said clearly ” right!!! You will drive on this journey
I’m telling you now you are ” his reply… I’ll be sound in Spain and I won’t let
you down after all your god and I wouldn’t like to get on the wrong side of
your wrath .. I thought you fucker .. you’re in Noddy Noddy land with the
fairies again …
Anyway frankum face timed again and I caught him up on what had happened
since the last time we spoke and he seemed puzzled .. Chris has a problem but
he’s never let me down .. I thought I’m paying him double what you pay and
I’m getting half the man your saying I should have .. his response was literally
this ” ahhhh you shouldn’t have started him on the ket mate or give him
money to get some ” like it was my fault or something… “
The covid test and boarding the ferry gave me a niggle of stupid thoughts of ‘
what ifs’
So I said right then numb nuts let’s go check out the port that we are boarding
tonight! Then in the corner of the car park we were parked in was the blonde
sexy bum and the 2 ops guys in the back of a white Nissan jeep .. I made my
usual nod to acknowledge them but in my own cheeky way with a hat tip and a
back hand wave like the queen and mouthed ” see you later bitches ” they all
turned their heads away from me in the Luton van and were pretending to be
busy cleaning the dashboard and playing with their phones like they were
locals waiting to go into work or something in that huge B&Q carpark across
the road from the hotel.
So I have mad max on his phone checking the rules of travel within COVID 19
restrictions and he said yep it’s all fine .. we’ll fly right through later. don’t
forget he said I control everything and everyone around me… I looked at this
man and instantly thought ‘ I am not fucking trusting your judgement when
he’d been up for 3 nights now .. so I said politely ‘ let’s check anyway, it’ll do no
harm hey pal ‘
He nodded in agreement and off we went to check out this port!!
We pulled in through the huge port entry barrier and it was dead .. now I’ve
been to the isle of wight festival from this dock and there is always queues
from early morning but it was dead here .. I pulled in by the port office and
Chris then proceeded to run around like a headless chicken asking the very few
staff he could find about the COVID-19 situation…
He came out of 1 building and basically said we’re fucked, we are fucked and
he repeated it over and over until I butted in and said ” shut the fuck up, just
for a minute while I think about what your about to tell me.. ” !!! Now my life
is all about plans .. plan a , plan b , plan c etc and with the carnage I left behind
in Swansea I was used to getting to plan H until I worked it out for me ! as I’m a
thinker and a doer !!! I was wondering what now?? He explained that we
were not getting on that ferry at 2100 hours without a negative COVID 19 test
.. I thought to myself how many spanners are literally left in my life toolbox to
ruin my best laid plans.
So we both hit Google to find the nearest medical services to get us tested
with a quick turnaround on the results to make the ferry that night. we called
and called around (with me switching SIM cards into my multiple phones which
was up to 4 mobiles and 6 different SIM cards – MAY CUT) ..but they were all
booked up in Portsmouth and the surrounding areas within a 20 mile radius .. I
didn’t want to miss this ferry as by now a warrant or warrants would have
been raised by South Wales police for me absconding from my bail conditions
on the bullshit Charges against me …
Chris yelled yes!! and with one hand in the air waving to me stop my search
from constantly writing centre details down from google .. he said politely
thank you to the women on the phone and said goodbye we’ll see you within
half hour .. he looked at me and said there had been a cancellation for 2
people to have a rapid covid test at 1030, I was over the moon to say the least
.. but where was it?? He replied BATH!! I’m like ahhhhhhhhh fucking BATH
that’s 2 hours away or so with parking etc .. fuck it lets do it .. we were only
window shopping today anyway… it’ll add to the adventure… Chris at this
point couldn’t keep his feet on the dashboard or hold his phone steady .. he
was royally fucking high!!! I pulled into a garage to fill up with fuel so there
were no grounds for another disaster like breaking Down etc… I came out after
paying cash, I paid every time with cash for everything because 1-I had plenty
on me and 2- I didn’t want to be traced by anyone of my movements by my
bank card which would end up with me having my collar felt by the blues and
twos service of which I had become to hate!
I jumped in the cab and Chris had flaked out. He was out cold sleeping… now
normally I would think ahhh he’s exhausted from the work that we could have
been doing for a company doing removals in the huge van or the petrol fumes
at the station had gave him a headache and made him sleepy .. but this was
the real world, the here and now and I knew full well why he was slumped in
the most uncomfortable position known to man and you ..!! yes you reading
this knows why too .. he was burnt out and had the mother of all crashes ..
So I left him to it .. I grabbed the note pad off his lap and looked at the
postcode he wrote down .. to my surprise it was a Portsmouth postcode .. I
typed it in my phone .. Google maps said your destination is ETA 12 mins away
.. I thought this guy is fucking unbelievably untrustworthy to be on a journey
like this to Spain never mind my co-driver!! Beggars belief it really was .. I was
constantly just shaking my head side to side exhuming with a big breath that
went in through my nose and forced out my closed lips along the whole
journey so far!
I drove to the clinic and we were an hour or so early .. so I had a search
through the swingers site to see if she was back on there .. why search I here
you say .. well it was a feeling I had that just clicked in my head .. bang found
evidence again .. I smashed the phone off the dashboard and broke the screen
to pieces… and yep I fucked yet another Asda PAYG phone .. to my surprise
Chris woke up and held the dashboard intensely while half asleep, he thought
we were going to crash and it sounded like we hit something he said later on in
reference to me smashing the phone off the cab .. anyhow!!! He was up so he
racked a line of ketamine up on his now own vehicle handbook, well I had no
use for it with my bump of cocaine off my old front door key .. he said and I
laugh now .. ” I am not going in there straight ” like it was some sort of long jail
sentence at the prison entry gate or a government drug testing unit that you
get paid for!!!
We checked each other’s nose like you do when entering a bar or night club on
a night out .. clear I said as he put his head back .. clear he said while putting
mine back too and off we went into a private doctors to have our rapid covid
test .. I looked at him near the entrance and he turned around to me while in
front of me while walking backwards towards the entry door and said to me
while right off his chunk looking like death warned up .. said straighten up bro
you look terrible?
I just smiled at him and said thanks mate .. what would I do without you .. he
nodded and said don’t thank me .. we are like brothers .. and we have a bond
no one can break .. I agreed with him just to get him through that entrance
door ..
In the medical centre we sat patiently as we could sort of, the lady in reception
explained that they could do the test but we wouldn’t be guaranteed by the
night time to board the ferry as the tests were done at 1600 hours at the lab
and they don’t inform you by email until 0900 the next day .. yeah you guessed
it .. another spanner in the works .. Chris shrugged his shoulders, so we politely
declined the test and proceeded to look at tests within a 3 hour radius while
sat back in the van .. There was one in Swindon but did we have enough time
to get there and back to Portsmouth in time not to miss the ferry boarding slot
we were booked in for, there was no room for error on the time challenge
mission to get a negative COVID 19 test… but I was thinking we can do this! I
explained to the woman on the phone about our situation, and what
happened in the other testing centre we were sat outside and the time frame
window that we needed to get the test done… she was absolutely positive and
I mean positive that if we could get there by 1500 we would have the test
whether positive or negative to our email before boarding the ship , so once
again we hit the road it was crazy, he was crazy and I was crazy because I
wanted out of the UK! I felt like the warrants were already issued ..it was like a
feeling I had in the pit of my stomach.. !!
Chris was now awake and up for the new mini mission from god .. everything
happens for a reason he stated… get to Swindon and back to the port in 7
hours!! Considering it was 2hour 45min each way. Depending on what the
queue was like and traffic etc ..
Then something rattled Chris he was out of ketamine.. now this was a
nightmare of epic proportions… panic set in so i pulled in on the M3 towards
London and he called around every person he knew to find him a dealer in or
near Swindon by any means possible… I said I thought you had enough for the
trip .. his reply was “don’t you start my brother said the same” but he’s
working on it from his end with his network on social media… he had gone
through 9 grams of pure ketamine in 24 hours give or take .. no mean feat I’ll
admit to you now ..
We went past Lego land in Windsor and I thought it would be nice to hide
some gifts behind the main gate as Elis and Katie were due there the weekend
and could picture Kate guiding Elis past the front gate and searching for the
gifts with clues I’d give them over email or WhatsApp, like a little treasure hunt
.. shame we couldn’t do it as time was against us which gutted me a bit but the
mini mission couldn’t have unscheduled stops that would set me back from the
goal to get back to the ferry .. Swindon was a nightmare to park but we pulled
outside the main courts .. a dead end road .. at this point my lower back, ass
and the tops of my legs were coming out in some sort of boils .. there was
something on that seat I’m positive and maybe Chris knew too as he was
reluctant to drive. it was itching so much it was uncomfortable to sit. i swear
that the establishment put some sort of poison on there .. really done my head
in, all the scratching on my ass cheeks made it worse and worse where this
inflammation was on my body .. in my normal playful manner I had a picture
taken by Chris outside the large sign saying ‘no parking, and me pointing at the
magistrates court knowing that I bounced from the Swansea .. And we got
shouted at by a court security guard for taking the picture and ushed away
from the government building.
We walked into town and found the street where the new clinic was .. long
story short we were in the wrong place, it was 20mins away so eventually
when we got there in good time…the clinic was behind with the testing so we
went to the local Tesco to get a meal deal, I parked by the door and we went in
together, I had the money safe and in my rucksack so we wandered the isles to
which we bought some snacks and fresh fruit .. Chris had no money when we
left so I paid him £500 cash while outside that Tesco in Portsmouth docks, I
feel and have always felt you should make people comfy around you and don’t
let them ask for money or food etc .. as I’ve been in those shoes, and it makes
you feel less of a man to ask another person for money. Chris liked that Tesco
some much in Swindon that he suggested that I scrap the Spain idea all
together and move there ,he was in regret for something so we sat engine off
and he was repeating it over and over .. I’ve not been honest with you and I’m
so sorry you are an amazing man and I can’t lie to you anymore I’m sorry I’m
sorry .. I said what’s up Jesus in a different accent (Scouse) to try and make him
laugh .. as he started explaining and both of his nostrils had blood running out
and fast .. he passed out and fell out of the van onto his back and continued to
have a fit on the curb in that Tesco carpark, I raced Around and I couldn’t do
anything while his body was bouncing and steaming, yeah steam was coming
off him .. right then at that moment I knew the journey was over for him…. he
came around after what seemed like forever but was only a minute or so .. I sat
him in the cab, and he said to me thank you magic Man!!! You are a blessing .. I
buckled him in his seat and Headed to my COVID 19 test, I had the test and the
nurse practitioner who done the test Assured me that I would have the result
by 2000 the latest that day, so I thought hopefully I’ll get it sooner or I’ll just
join the queue for the ferry a bit later.. back in the van Chris was crying
nonstop he was shaking like he was in fear, he’d been on the phone to frankum
so god knows what they talked about but I felt for him .. I told him that he
wasn’t coming to port and then onto Spain, he was gutted but relieved you
could see it in his face… I couldn’t take him for his own safety as on the way
back god knows what would happen, I explained carefully that it was all ok ..
don’t worry at least you can get some ketamine later on mate when your home
as he had none left and was sort of clucking .. needy about it .. like me he used
drugs daily like a crutch .. but wow what a drug to choose to prop up your life ..
Pure high grade Ketamine! he didn’t know if he was Arthur or Martha most of
the time…. !
So I took him to a bus stop in Swindon and said my farewells, told him to pay
back the monies I paid him in advance over time… to be honest I just wanted
to crack on getting back down that motor way to .. I looked in the side mirror
driving off and thought that was fun and I headed down towards Portsmouth
at top speed .. hoping I’d make it on time to catch the ferry and with my email
in my inbox stating I was a negative and free from covid 19!!!
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